How the BLEEP did that happen?! - Episode 16

[I recommend going in numerical order with the Episodes. They build on each other.]

Episode 30 contains the full resource list.

A courageous reader came forward and sent this response to my blog about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It moved me deeply but also saddened me to know this a very common experience. 

"Yep. I’ve experienced this in familial relationships, romantic relationships, and in wider group dynamics and it always follows a similar pattern. Love bombing in a personal relationship is a version of Guru types playing on our greatest spiritual hopes and desires - they are variations on giving us what we long for until we are hooked. That’s the seduction part."

"Then, when the seduction feels complete or when the seducer thinks seduction might not work anymore, the intimidation begins. Sometimes the intimidation is subtle and sometimes it’s not so subtle. It can be everything from taking subtle jabs at your self-esteem to outright terrorizing you, but it’s always mixed in with more seduction (sometimes in the same sentence) so that you question yourself and your sanity."

"Confusion sets in. You don’t know if the person or group you’re with means well or is dangerous - you’re getting such mixed signals that you can’t tell anymore - and your confusion puts you into a trance state that makes you highly suggestible and easier to manipulate. Those who find themselves in these types of abusive groups have often come from similar abusive relationships so they are primed for this sort of dynamic, whether they know it or not (they usually don’t know it), and vice versa - if you’ve been in one of these groups, you are primed for a relationship with similar dynamics."

"What’s missing is the ability to recognize abuse and manipulation, because in your mind it’s tied up with love (because that’s how you’ve experienced it), and subconsciously you think maybe love entails confusion and abuse."

"It takes a ton of training and deprogramming to realize how primed you are, and even then you may fall into the same pothole again, and have to keep practicing recognizing abuse and lies and manipulation for what they are and getting out as soon as possible."


This got me thinking about an additional problem people have in recognizing what is actually been done to them. They believe, (because the Narcissist has told them), "This is the greatest love you'll ever have!" Buying into this belief makes it almost impossible for them to see what's really happening. Because... for them to question the veracity of the 'love' the Narcissist is 'providing', is to question LOVE itself. And they do NOT WANT TO DO THAT! So they help mask the Narcissists behavior. It's a form of white-washing. 

Their own fear of losing what they THINK is TRUE LOVE.... protects the abuser.

Even if friends on the outside point out the abuse.... the abused defends the Narcissist explaining: "He is misunderstood!" or "You don't know him like I do." or "What we have is special.... you can't see what I can see." 

To be continued....

Mark Vicente ©2017